What Passes for News These Days

It’s amazing really what qualifies as news in turbulent times. Obviously, you have the whole ‘world in financial crisis’ headline. But after the soul-destroying first half hour of news each day you get the fluff stories. Not just the usual fluff stories, but the kind of random fluff that is the least likely thing ever to make you feel good in a financial crisis.

Example one: Ringo Starr has stopped answering his fan mail. After the 20th October he will no longer respond to fan mail or sign any memorabilia. He’s too busy.

Example two: We’re all screwed except for cobblers and pizza take aways. apparently people are getting their shoes repaired rather than replace them and staying in is the new eating out.

Where do they get this stuff? Supposing we do care that one of the remaining two Beatles is a cranky old ass or that the ones on the up during the global crisis are cobbler and pizza boys, is it not the saddest thing in the world that this is the good news? A few weeks back the Guardian were running random photos of baby pandas on the inside of the cover. Now THAT is good fluff.

Gordon’s Masterstroke : It Might Just Work

It’s been a turbulent week for the Labour Government. Rumours of an internal plot to elbow Gordon Brown out, a fall in popularity over the worsening economic situation and very public blame being laid at Brown’s doorstep by David Cameron at the Conservative Conference have made the future of Brown’s government look decidedly dicey.

The smart-suited slick young foreign minister David Miliband looked likely to slide into Brown’s job should the rumoured putsch go ahead. He appeared confident at the Labour Conference last week and said that he supported Brown to the end. Yet interestingly when he talked about policies that had gone bad he was defending what ‘they did’ but when he talked about the future of the New Labour government it was what ‘we’ would do to fix it. I have to say, I felt sorry for Brown as Miliband’s smarmy words woved an even more complex web of doubt around him. When he stood up to speak about the troubled leader, Miliband defended Brown based on his work in the area of foreign relations (surpise surprise) and not on any of the things Brown had set out to do.

Then came the lack of confidence of his party. Ruth Kelly announced she was stepping down as Transport Secretary for ‘family reasons.’ John Cruddas turned down Brown’s offer of a government job. Things were not looking good for the PM.

Then Brown pulled, what I think was, a masterstroke. He hopped in his time machine and went back thirteen years to before Peter Mandelson ditched him for that dashing young firecracker, Tony Blair, and asked Pete to help him mend his sinking ship. Yes indeed, the thirteen year feud is over and Mandelson has thrown the cat well and truly amongst the pidgeons. Yes, while the new kids were pulling strings all around Brown in an effort to make everything unravel around him, the old man showed the whippersnappers how it’s really done by bringing in the Mandelson. No one seems to have any idea what to do about this or how to react. Miliband has been put back in his box. And Cameron is where he belongs – in cartoons in the back of the Observer.

What does this mean for Brown and the future of the cabinet? Well, I won’t deny that it’s clutching at straws. But in the game of political clutching at straws, this really is how it’s done. Find the most unlikely, obscure, headline making straw that is so obviously a big old crutch of a straw that everyone is too impressed by your gall to be sceptical. The media is having a field day and is too excited by the reigniting of the torch of the government of 1998 to get on Gordon’s back about this. Realistically, this is a change, but not enough of a change to alter the fate of the party. Unlike the scenario in the US, the party that has been in government too long really seems to be trying hard to show they should stay there by making themselves different (well, different form the last 5 years anyway.) It’s a more stylish straw clutching. It might save Brown’s ship from sinking in a humiliating fashion in the middle of an economic tempest, and keep it on course long enough to see it safely into the dock. But make no mistake, the doc is where it’s heading. Or at least it should be. It’s been 11 years of the Labour government, and Brown didn’t come in to trumpets blaring. It’s time to call time on the government, but not with some attempt to jump on the back of Brown while he flounders.

Bring on the next election, and let Brown bow out gracefully as he leads his party with pride. I hope he’ll be handing the keys to the Lib Dems, an inherently sensible party, but I live in the real world most of the time, so it’ll probably be the Tories. But I think a few years is just what New Labour needs to get focused on what makes Labour a worthwhile party in the first place, and to really sort things out within the ranks and become a party with a vision, a hunger and the ability to shape the furture of Britain.

New!! : McCain Action Man

A great change is facing the world. A rogue politician plans to upheave current systems and affect everything from climate change to civil rights to the economy to healthcare to international policy. Only one man can stop Barack Obama in his diabolical scheme. Only one man can keep everything exactly the same. He is the greatest war hero of them all. That’s right, it’s John McCain.

Yes, there is a new Action Man figure due to be released this November. The figure is slightly different to the vintage Action Man dolls – for instance it doesn’t have the same fuzzy hairstyle, going for the aerodynamic look, or the same posable arms – but toy manufacturers are assuring the American public that this new Action Man is THE greatest hero of them all.

He may not have the features we have all come to know and love in our favourite hero, but he has been around longer than Action Man himself, and has more combat experience.

This new McCain Action Man may look less agile than earlier models, but he does all his own stunts. Yes, a strategic genius, he is one soldier that knows exactly the right weapon to use when his enemy starts to look strong.

Barack Obama may think he and his team can outsmart our hero with their straight forward politics and commitment to their word, but nothing can stop our hero on his quest for the White House. After all, he is older than dirt with more scars than Frankenstein.* Real scars too – ones from torture, and losing to Bush and, torture, and being called a homosexual. To make it through such ordeals without changing your stance or your outlook on the world even one inch is the mark of a true American hero.

So this November, get yourself and the whole family down to Walmart to get your exclusive John McCain Action Man doll. You’ll find it in aisle five between the live ammunition and baby seal harpoons.

*It is assumed that McCain meant the monster of Frankenstein and not the scientiist himself who has no known of scars of note, at least not in Mary Shelley’s unabridged version of the book. Being an American hero though, i assume he has not had time to read this book and is thus forgiven.

How to Win Elections and Influence People

The time is fast approaching when Americans will have to go out and vote for either John McCain or Barack Obama to be the next president of the United States. The race has been under the microscope of the whole world for the last 2 years, give or take, and it’s nearly over. I’m not American and I can’t vote, but I, like the rest of the world, have an opinion and a preference. Some people I know don’t ‘get’ why you would become so immersed in an election in a country where you have no voice or say in the matter. I don’t understand this. People support and wear the jerseys of football teams in countries they’ve never been to as if their life’s blood depends on it. In less than 2 months, there will be an event that may result in an elderly man and the mom at the parent teacher night who wants to ban certain school books and teach kids that we were all made by God and global warming is just his way of giving us central heating and more running water, taking control of America. This to me is something worth keeping an eye on.

From early on in the election, I have supported the Democrats. Initially, I was a supporter of Hillary Clinton, and now I am a supporter of Barack Obama. I’ve been involved with so many discussions with people that seem utterly pointless to me, (the discussions, not the people..mostly) because they are essentially arguments about whether you should want a liberal government or you should want a conservative government. For many many people, politics and opinions are non-negotiable. Some people just won’t entertain supporting a man who thinks gay couples should have the same rights as straight couples and some people won’t hear of voting for someone who believes that life begins at conception. That’s politics, that’s life. I have learned to accept that. You won’t change people’s minds on these issues, and inevitably, you reach a deadlock and noobody gets anywhere.

It’s the in-betweeners that are the interesting ones. The swingers, the ones who could go either way. The last leg of the race is all about securing their votes and it is interesting to look at the tactics being used by both parties as the polls become close to neck and neck and the candidates scramble to make up the minds of the undecided. I have already expressed my distaste at the negative campaigning of the Republican Party. Up until recently, while I would not vote Republican, I was okay about the fact that some people did and just hopeful that more people would agree with me. If the outcome was the other way, I’d say ‘hey that’s democracy folks’ and deal with the fact that 4 more years of Republican government is what the people want. But it was around the time that John McCain stopped focusing on why Americans should vote for him and his party and started focusing on why they shouldn’t vote for Obama that I started to see more serious problems with the Republican campaign.

In the lead-up to both conventions, the candidates were busy selecting running-mates, rallying up support, and planning their approaches. Obama chose Joe Biden, Ted Kennedy, the Clintons, his family and change. McCain chose Sarah Palin, Rudi Giuliani, Fred Thompson, Joe Lieberman and er, change. Obama chose criticising the Republicans for being the same old party doing things the same old way. The Republicans criticised Obama’s lack of experience against the tried and tested McCain, and the elitism of the Democratic Party.

It had obviously become clear to McCain and his advisors that the experience platform was not getting him all that far, so it was decided that he should hi-jack the change platform to secure the all-important post-convention bounce. So John McCain picked a woman who has less than 2 years experience as governor of the 3rd least populated state in America to be his running mate. Here was his change. (the first woman on a presidential ticket) Here was his weapon against elitism. (She’s just a hockey mom like you) Here was his attempt at bringing the party into modern America. (She’s young too)

I could go all day criticising the politics of the Republicans and of Palin. I don’t agree with a lot of their positions on civil rights, abortion, gay rights, security, censorship and so on and so forth. But what’s more terrifying to me than your average Republican government is the prospect of someone who nobody knows, with negligible experience in governance and who potentially thinks that some children’s books should be banned and that dinosaurs roamed the earth 4,000 years ago getting into the White House. If McCain doesn’t make it through the first term, she will be president, and I think he has overlooked his principles, politics and vision in the interest of selling his campaign and sealing his position. In his efforts to thwart the ‘change’ juggernaut, he has brought in a woman with hardly any experience as his VP. This, in my eyes, is a serious error in judgement. He has put someone who he has only met twice prior to his announcement that she would be running with him and who nobody outside of Alaska has ever heard of in a position where she may be the President of America in less than 4 years. This for me is unforgivable. I can get over the fact that people don’t agree with me when it comes to politics and social issues (just about) but when those people forget their own principles and paths in the interest of winning, I think we are in serious trouble. There is nothing worse than giving power to people who don’t really believe in what they are fighting for but will fight to the death anyway to win. That’s what McCain is doing by choosing Sarah Palin, that’s why I don’t want him to win and that’s why I think it will be a travesty if he does win.

It is, as I said, all about getting those swing voters, and McCain is certainly trying to reel in as many of those as he can by putting Palin on the ticket. In the Democrat camp, Obama has been doing his best to swing those votes in his direction by plugging the holes in his campaign with Joe Biden – the experienced foreign policy expert. He has also been (rather shamelessly) using his family for the aw factor in his attempt to secure middle-American-mum votes that Clinton would have clinched. At no part of this did Obama cease to become a sensible politician. He did receive criticism for his choice of an old hand as his VP, but the method in the madness was clear. It made sense. Palin makes no sense to me. I think she is a seriously miscalculated attempt at securing the Clinton percentage, and makes a terrifying prospective president.

What scares me the most is that people might not actually see how bad a choice she is. McCain’s decision might just be taken for granted as being sound by his supporters and go under the radar of the swing voters. People may not notice that although Palin is a woman, she stands no more for feminism, anti-sexism and women’s rights than your average white-haired male Republican governor. McCain will be hoping that voters will swallow the pitch that Palin is a product of the good fight put up by women like Hillary Clinton, but as the dust settles on the ’strong woman getting on the ticket’ excitement, Palin’s views on reproductive rights and abortion rise to the surface and it all looks a bit familiar.

McCain will also be hoping that (in an odd attempt at combating sexism?) that Palin’s ‘hockey mom’ status will win the hearts of middle class Americans everywhere. Her views on censorship of school books, global warming and teaching Creationism in schools are all important indicators that not every middle class mom should be running the country.

I hope that people see that the fight for women’s rights was not about ‘getting a woman in the White House’ but about someone who is well equipped to lead and happens to be a woman having the same opportunities and getting the same treatment as any male candidate. Palin is not someone who broke through the ceiling that Hillary made millions of cracks in, she is a product and installation of the same old machine that has croaked and groaned for years. She just has nicer hair that Mitt Romney or Rudy Giuliani and less of a reputation, on account of her not being known. This isn’t a victory for feminism.

All of this is very well, but the reason the McCain-Palin ticket is so worrying is that people might actually buy that the addition of Sarah Palin actually does stand for change and a victory for the new right or for women. You have to wonder whether there is anyone who can reach out to voters and persuade them otherwise. Obama risks stepping too far into the territory of negative campaigning by labouring on the issue, especially seeing as he has come under fire following his ‘bulldog lipstick’ comment last week. When it comes to influencing people, the media really is the major source for getting your point home. In American culture it is celebrities and television personalities that really have a large pull.

In Team America, there is a running joke about actors who speak out on politics, and when it comes to the likes of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, I would tend to agree with the general opinion that celebrities and actors should tick to regurgitating what is on their scripts rather than in the news. But I came across a couple of fantastic clips today that made me rethink the value of the ‘celebrity pundit factor.’ First off was the Saturday Night Live sketch parodying Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton. (Tina Fey makes a frighteningly good Palin.) I then found a clip of Matt Damon talking about his worries over the prospect of Palin gaining control. He compares Palin’s path towards the White House as being like a really bad disney movie where the hockey mom ends up being president. Far from the hapless ‘Matt Damon’ puppet from team America, I actually found myself hoping people would watch the video and listen to his concerns about her opinions on Creationism, her lack of experience, and her plans to ban children’s books. If watching shows like the Daily Show and Saturday Night Live and making your mind up based on what Hollywood film stars think is what works with your average American, then so be it. If this reaches people, which Digg and CNN coverage would indicate it is, then it’s a force of good as far as I’m concerned. As campaigning gets dirtier and the delivery and party line gets more polished and rehearsed-sounding, then it may be down to the third party’s to air their views and influence the undecided.

It will be interesting to see if the consequences of adding Palin to the ticket will work in favour of the Republicans or not. I wonder if the combination of the liberal media, American comedians, satirists, public figures and outspoken celebrities will be enough to wipe the sheen off the McCain-Palin ticket and prevent the addition of the Alaska Governor from overshadowing the issues at the centre of the presidential race. Change is not just a word or a superficial shift in how things are done. Sarah Palin may not look like any Vice President or President in recent times, and she may be the least experienced candidate for either office in modern American history, but that does not make her any different when it comes to the issues. Soon we shall see whether the American people want real change in the form of Barack Obama or just the same old policies, doctrines, stances and plans as the Bush administration in the slightly different packaging of John McCain and Sarah Palin. I hope it’s the former, but judging by the surge in the polls on the Republican side since the addition of Palin to the ticket, I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t know what it’s going to take to win this election for either side, because it’s genuinely becoming impossible to know just what it is the American people want.

This Little Piggy

How annoying can the Republicans actually get?

Obama has criticised McCain’s lame attempt to clamber up on the ‘change platform’ by stating that his policies were essentially the same as those of Bush and ‘you can put lipstick on a pig but it’s still a pig.’

McCain, in a stunning display of doing exactly what he was being accused of in the first place, launched a new campaign ad calling Obama sexist and accusing him of targetting Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin rather than defending the ‘change’ stance he has so recently adapted against the criticism.

If one does want to make a (tenuous) link between Obama’s comments and Palin, you could look at the (hiiilarious) joke she told last week about the only difference between a pitbull and a hockey mom is lipstick.

You know, Obama also said ‘You can wrap up an old fish in a piece of paper and call it change. It’s still going to stink after eight years.’

Palin’s first born is called Track after a breed of fish that swim in the creek near the family home….

He’s clearly got it in for her and her whole family.

McCain has the right idea. Who needs a campaign when you have important bickering and point-missing to be doing?

Obamania hits Colorado

The Democrat Convention gets underway today, and Obama is all geared up to widen the gap between himself and an increasingly distant John McCain.

Obama is concentrating on making his status as a hard-working father and husband from a typical American famly work in his favour with voters by having his wife, half sister and brother in-law speak on the opening day of the Convention in Denver.

He will also be using this opportunity to appear before Democrats with his recently announced VP candidate, Joe Biden. Obama will surely use this opportunity to reinforce his own strengths as a man in touch with the people, as well as highlighting the strengths of Biden, particularly his experience in relation to foreign policy, an area in which McCain has been showing a lead in polls over Obama. Hopefully, the strengths of Biden will dispell any doubts about Obama’s judgement and lack of experience, and show that he has made a wise choice in picking someone with the experience he needs to truly have the whole package necessary for the Presidency, and the White House.

In the meantime, McCain and the Republicans have been busy with their negative campaigning against Obama. McCain is well-documented in his criticism of Obama’s lack of experience, as well as his attitude toward finances, education, Iraq and issues such as abortion. His latest attack on Obama has come in the form of advertisements, criticising the Senator for leaving Hilary Clinton off the ticket and choosing Joe Biden, and for being a celebrity candidate. McCain has however said though that Biden is a strong choice for VP. This hasn’t stopped the Republicans from using ads with old footage of Biden saying he didn’t think Obama was ready for the White House and that the White House is not the place for ‘on the job training.’ Well, I think Obama has proved himself, and continues to do so. And right now he is doing a much better job as a potential leader than the old man who won’t even use a computer and who got where he is by marrying into money. If McCain’s stronghold was the war veteran card he kept playing, then he could see that stonghold crumble under his grip with the addition of Joe Biden to the Democrat ticket.

Up next is the Republican Convention, so for his own sake I hope McCain has got some positive aspects of his campaign hiding up his sleeve, because if the Democrat Convention goes to plan in a swing state like Colarado, the Republicans will have to pull some serious punches to halt the Obama-Biden juggernaut.

I look forward to all they have to offer…Say, has anyone else noticed that Obama Biden is only a few letters off Osama Bi-nla-den? if you’re afraid of the unknown : Vote Republican!!

Let the bounce begin. GObama!!!!!

The Olympics : One World, One Dream, Lots of Madness

After all the hullabaloo and drama in the lead-up to the games, finally, the Olympics have started. The opening ceremony today was memorable, to say the least. With everything from flying torch-bearers, to giant firework-footprints, to human calligraphy pens to giant digital waterfalls surrounding the stadium, the bits that I saw seemed to live up to everyone’s hopes and expectations.

At the same time, I kind of just want the sports to start. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all very entertaining and China has got a beautiful, artistic cultural history. It’s just, when you’ve seen 2,008 electric flashing-light drummers doing Tai Chi, you’ve seen them all really.

Still though, you have to hand it to the Chinese : A dictatorship with over a billion people, but they sure know how to put on a show. It’s all very bizarre. And I don’t just mean the opening ceremony…

We have been hearing more and more reports from Western journalists, students, bloggers and tourists that access to the internet has been severely limited in the lead up to the games, following the Chinese Government going back on promises that it would not restrict access.

In other news, the level of pollution in Beijing is over three times the target level of air quality as set by the World Health Organisation. It’s even above the target level for developing countries.

Jacques Rogge, the head of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) says not to worry though. He reckons that the giant mass of dark fog hanging over Beijing might just be caused by “humidity” and poses no threat to the health of competitiors. Apparently ‘fog’ and ‘pollution’ are different.  So rest easy.

When China reneaged on its promises of unfettered internet access, Rogge agreed to this and came out in support of the progress China was making.

When China’s handling of its air pollution problem led to dangerously high levels of smog in Beijing at the beginning of the Olympics, Rogge entertained the possibility that it might just be the humidity.

He also praised their handling of the pollution problem.

So apparently the best way to handle a country who blatantly doesn’t give a fig about what the rest of the world thinks, and just does whatever the hell it feels like, is to use your indoor voice and just agree with everything they do, because they are clearly mad. That’ll learn them. That’ll learn them good.

Despite the criticism Rogge has received from journalists, human rights groups and supporters of various competitors, he has ploughed on without really taking any notice of what outsiders have to say. A popular stance, this Olympic season.

At this moment, I think the majority of people, myself included, just want the athletes who have worked so hard to get the most they can out of the 2008 Olympic Games. The spotlight should be on them now.

But as for the Games being a commentary on how far China has come, or how well China has co-operated with the IOC, I think the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil attitude of the IOC illustrates that anyone who believes that true progress has been made is living in a land where everyday is filled with flying men with torches and giant flashy footprints and flying neon dancers inside a giant bird’s nest…

Ireland’s Next Top Model

According to the Indo and the Herald, it looks like there’s going to be an Irish version of Tyra Banks’ world famous show, America’s Next Top Model.

 

The first issue with I have with this concept is captured beautifully in the first line of the Herald article:

IRELAND’S top catwalk queens may be in for some stiff competition before the year is out.

This whole idea of searching for Ireland’s NEXT top model is a bit problematic. Whose shoes will they be filling exactly? In America, Tyra Banks – one of the most famous supermodels in the world - is the mentor and judge for the girls. In Germany – the legendary Heidi Klum is the one to whom the aspiring young ladies can look for guidance. Slightly pushing it, Britain have chosen Lisa Snowdon. While hardly ‘top model’ material, she did go out with George Clooney for a very long time, which in fairness, does give her some grounds to tell the rest of us how it’s done. Who have we got lined up for the job? Well, it’s rumoured to be Andrea Roche, former Miss Ireland. So everything that Tyra has been banging on about for the last 10 seasons about the competition being a search for a model and not a beauty pageant queen is out the window then. But hey, I’m sure the big wigs in charge of the project know what they are doing…

…After all, the company set to bring Ireland’s Next Top Model to our screens is none other than Screentime Shinawil, the same people who brought us You’re a Star and Popstars. I mean, it’s not like they’d allow someone who didn’t know what they were talking about be a judge on the show, is it? That would be like putting a failed popstar turned glamour model and Fair City reject in charge of advising and selecting new up and coming popstars… oh wait, eh…. Okay, it’s not like they’d pour loads of time and money into a show and then have the result be a completely misjudged, mismanaged flop, no..they’d never do that..would they?…

I can just imagine what the Irish version of the show would entail:

Challenges involving cow-milking: “As a top model, you have to be ready to get to grips with any scenario and be a professional.“

Photo shoots in the Galtee Mountains or out in the middle of some bog : “Top models often have to brave the elements in the name of high fassshhhion.”

Final judgements in the elimination room in front of an expert panel made up of panto legend herself, Twink, the fella who does the airbrushing for RSVP magazine and whichever member of Boyzone isn’t making a comeback/changing religions/joining the cast of Coronation Street this week. That’ll be the old one then.

Weekly photographs illustrating the true diversity of the hidden talent and beauty Ireland has to offer: from Lancome flash bronzer, to Fake Bake, to St. Tropez, to Clarins – the range of shades and brands of fake tans these beauties will lather on in order to battle the rain streaks knows no bounds.

With everything from blonde bobs, to blone extensions, to platinum bobs, to blonde with brown extensions underneath, to long blonde, to blonde streaks – capturing the truly unusual, dynamic and uncultivated beauty of the average girl walking through the streets of Donnybrook or Drumcondra is what this show is all about.

I can see it now: giving opportunity to those who have really had to pull themselves up by the bootstraps. Only previously successful in regional pageants and in doing promotions in lycra for the local radio station, these young buds will finally be able to blossom on national television. And what better channel to showcase the best and brightest and most beautiful girls in Ireland, than TV3, home of Miss Universe Ireland, in its pink bikini-clad glory, and Diary of a Beauty Queen, a sneak preview at the truly insipid nature of some of these fame hungry girls with boobs, legs and little else.

I may sound a just a tad sceptical about the prospect of INTM coming to our screens, and you may think that I am being needlessly unfair. But ask yourself: is Ireland ready for this show? I have to say no. We live in a country where girls aspire to be beautiful by parading in bikinis and wearing tiaras and waving to assembled crowds at pageants. And judging by the winners of such pageants in previous years, it’s pretty clear that the mold of the girl with long legs, big boobs, poker straight hair and fake tan has not been broken.

If we are to believe supermodels are glorified clothes horses, that’s well and good. But you cannot deny that when you see a picture of Kate Moss or Tyra Banks or Helena Christensen in a couture gown, it looks slightly more impressive than Rosanna Davidson or Glenda Gilson in a dress from Brown Thomas. There is no definitive way of looking at beauty, and no way of deciding what is and is not stylish. But Irishness is unmistakable, and the uncanny ability Irish ‘celebrities’ have of taking things from American or British pop culture, such as reality TV, glamour modelling and fashion magazines and turning them into head-in-you-hands-cringefests cannot be denied. Something tells me that INTM is yet another chance for the embarrassing underbelly of the Irish entertainment industry to rear it’s ugly, spray-tanned, ghd-ed, noisy, vacant head.

Lesson for Life #1 – Empathy

In order to explain how empathy came to me, and why empathy is lesson number one, I first have to give you the background of the events that lead me to this lesson. I have a retired US politician, a nightclub, rain and some strangers to thank. So if you’ll indulge me, here is how I came to regard empathy as a very important life lesson.

In an effort to stop my brain from turning to mush over the summer, I decided to take adavantage of the library in college before they revoked my student card, and actually get some books out that might be some way relevent to my masters. I have been reading The Fog of War : Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara. Robert McNamara is a former US Secretary of Defense and was involved in some of the major international crises of the 20th century during his career. The Fog of War is a book based on a documentary made about the lessons McNamara learned from his involvement in events such as the Cuban Missile Crisis and the Vietnam War.

Robert S. McNamara

In terms of stopping my brain turning to mush, it is an interesting and stimulating read based on something called critical oral history. This combines the insights of historians, official documents and the recollections of former officials, who were heavily involved in the events, in order to come to conclusions regarding lessons that should be learnt from certain mistakes or crises in international history. The ‘fog of war’ refers to how these mistakes are often made because of the effect that war has on human rationality, emotion, trust and decion-making ability.

This book explores some of these lessons and is designed to give the reader a chance to understand what it must have been like for rational human beings to have had their judgements clouded by the ‘fog of war.’ The first lesson, and probably the most important one to all the rest, is empathise with your enemy. Empathy is very important in international relations, and it is also often absent. Things that we read or hear about as news or history were more than just monumental events at one point. Each of these huge things can be broken down into a series of decisions made based on the knowledge, sources, fears, beliefs and assumptions of various political leaders. The point of the empathy lesson is that two opposing parties can be in complete disagreement over something and may be completely unable to see eye to eye on aims or principles, but can still understand that the other party may feel genuine fear, concern or interest. It was because of a lack of empathy that the Cuban Missile Crisis nearly became the most devastating loss of human life in history, and it is because of empathy that it was finally averted.

All of this makes perfect sense, and it makes even more sense if you read the book, which you should, if you have the chance.

Allow me now to apply the lesson of empathy to my own life, but instead of the Fog of War, I am going to refer to the events of last night as the Fog of Rain.

So I went to work yesterday evening, with my head full of words and thoughts to take me through the hours. My evening job consists of standing outside the Courthouse handing out flyers for a Cork Nightclub. It’s grand work, when the weather is nice. The time flies and you meet and see lots of people. Last night, the weather was awful. It lashed rain for the whole three hours, and the street was not the same hive of excitment that it usually is when groups of people are coming and going.

So it rained and poured, and I tried to give flyers to the people who walked past in dribs and drabs. In my mind, every one person who accepted a flyer from me made my bundle one flyer lighter, and made it a smidgen easier to hold my giant umbrella. When you’re wet and cross, (or when the fog of rain descends upon you) it’s strange how the tiniest gestures, like someone taking a flyer and saying thank you, can give you a little bit of extra steam. It’s like half way through a run up hill, a sup of water can make you go on for that little bit longer without feeling like you want to die.

In my mind, I knew that if I was miserable under my umbrella, then all of these people trudging to and fro in the fog of rain must be miserable too. Yet I still had to do my job, so I tried not to be too annoying and just do the flyering.

Most people just take it and keep going. Maybe they use it, maybe it gets binned - I don’t know. But some people just ignore you, or just stuff their hands in their pockets and shake their heads or try not to catch your eye and scurry past. Why do they look so frightened? I’m not selling anything, I’m not asking them to stop, I’m not going to beat them up. Every single time a person turns down a flyer it’s like a little kick in the guts. Just TAKE it. I don’t care what you do with it anymore. JUST TAKE IT!!

My anger, their fear, the reason they won’t take it, the reason I really want them to – it’s the special set of circumstances offset by the rain.

And then, under my umbrella, alone, in the rain, it came to me. These are the people, that, given a situation of substantially higher stakes and more serious consequences, would be the non-empathisers. You can always tell about a person’s intuition in its simplest form by how they react to a minor incident with a complete stranger when no one is watching.

The people who refuse to take a simple flyer from me are doing so because they are wet, in a hurry and probably not going to go clubbing. But if they empathised with me, then surely they would see that I’m pretty miserable too,  handing out flyers in the rain. And even though we are on opposing sides, with me giving out flyers, and them not wanting them, me wanting them to go to a club, and them not wanting to, they would appreciate that my aims are not malicious, but I am only doing what is in my best interest (earning money, for food), and the best interest of my peple (the nightclub) and what I believe in principle is right. (Go out and have fun, don’t go home!)

The fact that they don’t care about or agree with these ideals and aims, is irrelevant. They should understand that this is what I must do. I understand their feelings. And I’m not getting in the way of their aims. They can still go home, they don’t have to go anywhere, they don’t have to talk to me. Nothing about their life needs to change, other than the fact that they make my night a little better.

So you see: it makes perfect sense. They didn’t take a flyer because they don’t want one, and their personal wants outweighed their capacity for empathy.

And they all passed by. And I was left standing there. With my soggy flyers. In the rain.

The most positive outcome of this whole experience is that I managed to actually remember something I read in a book, and managed to apply it (don’t even think about saying tenuously) to a real-life, 1st principles scenario. And by coming up with this (don’t say mad) theory, I managed to kill few minutes in the cold without resorting to games on my mobile that are likely to murder any brain cells I did preserve by reading a history book in the first place.

Thank you Robert.

Thank you rude strangers.

Thank you Fog of Rain.

Countdown to the end of an era

” As the countdown to a brand new channel ends, a brand new Countdown begins.”

- Richard Whiteley introduces the first episode of the first ever show on Channel 4, Countdown.

Since it began in 1982, Countdown has become what afternoon television is all about for millions of people. Richard Whiteley and co-presenter Carol Vorderman hosted the words and maths gameshow until Whitely’s death in 2005. After Whiteley passed away, he was replaced with Des Lynam and later, Des O’Connor.

I’m sure I’m not alone in saying Countdown was an important part of my youth. When I was little my Dad used to play along with countdown, working out the letters in anagram form on top of the newspaper. When I got older, I would always switch on Countdown when I got home from school, and with my sandwich and tea, I’d tear into all the letters and see if I could beat the contestants. I remember chuckling as the first 4 letters spelled out ‘TWAT’ or ‘BINT’. I remember my brother’s teenage crush on Carol Vorderman with her sexy top, mathematical prowess and oddly filthy laugh. Even to this day, everything about Countdown is wonderful: the tea-time teasers, the twee little stories from Lionel Blair or some other British afternoon TV personality, Susie’s quick thinking in the dictionary corner and the feeling you get when you outsmart the contestants.

The one person I could never outsmart though was the brains of the operation, the first lady of Countdown, the mathematical genius herself, the lovely Carol Vorderman. And now, after 26 years, Vorderman has announced that she is stepping down as TV’s sassiest, classiest maths nerd.

After initial reports that Vorderman was quitting Countdown because Des O’Connor was leaving, and she felt she couldn’t bond with another host, it emerged that she has actually been forced out of the show. Vorderman was given a choice : either accept a 90% pay cut or leave.  She was given 48 hours to make her mind up, and apparently, she loved the show so much she nearly agreed to the huge cut in her salary.

But, alas, tis the end of an era. Vorderman has decided to step down and is said to be saddened that her time on Countdown has come to an end. Well, so am I. Carol was fantastic, and as far as I’m concerned, she was what made the show after Richard Whitely passed away. He was such a legend and they had such a great repertoire onscreen, that no one could fill his shoes. It’s no wonder they’re moving on to their 3rd host in as many years.

Losing Carol Vorderman is losing everything that has made the show such an iconic programme for so many years. It is a show that won it’s own following and viewers and contestants because of its unique dynamic.

These days, all gameshows seem to have an aim of contestants winning £250,000 in return for proving they can do karaoke or have more knowledge than a 10 year old child. Countdown was telly with integrity. It made you work your brain hard, and in return you got a dictionary. It wasn’t about the glamour, the fame or the money. It was about the words, the maths, the challenges and the feeling you got when the 30 seconds were up and you had an 8 letter word, or when you managed to figure out the maths question when it gave you 75s or 25s instead of 100s or 50s, or when you got the conundrum before they did. Countdown was a piece of telly that was just like a piece of cake in your nan’s house after school: it wasn’t what you wanted to do all the time, but it gave you that lovely safe, warm feeling inside after a long day.

And now, they want to replace Carol with either Myleene Klass or possibly Ulrika Johnson. Myleene is a classically trained musician and is studying astronomy. Ya, but can she do this…..?